Today was day #3 of Ty being gone. Day #3 of his deployment. Day #3 without him home with the kids and I. I feel lost sometimes. I now sleep on his side of the bed because it still smells like him. I wear his t-shirts to bed, and I didn't fuss about the mess he left.
The kids and I are moving, and it's just me to pack. I'm putting all of his clothes in vacuum seal bags so they don't get messed up, and for easier storage. I was going though and folding all his clothes last night and in almost every pair of jeans he had a skoal ring. I miss seeing that, i miss seeing him. I wouldn't care if he came home right now with a big 'ole dip in, as long as he came home. :(
This is hard on me. we're fairly newlyweds, and we just had our son about 5 months ago. We all knew this time was coming, but we had no idea that it would sneak up on us like it did.
With him being gone, and it just being me here with the kids, I realize now how much i took him for granted, how much i need him, how much i truly leaned on him for help. I always rushed him to do this and do that when he got home from work I never gave him time to rest. Yeah, sometimes he got ill with me over it, but most of the time he said Okay and helped. He always watched one baby while i gave the other a bath, kept them at the house while i did the grocery shopping, watched them while i took a shower or cooked dinner. Every once and a while he would stay up with me at night to get the kids to bed. He had patience for me that I didnt have for him, and i see that now. I always got snappy with him, i was quick to argue and pitch fits, but he still stood by me. I know they say that "distance makes the heart grow fonder", but just knowing that someone you love is fixing to leave for a long time is enough to make you do a 180. A couple weeks prior to him leaving, it finally started to hit me that i needed to get my act together because my husband was fixing to leave for a whole year! Everyone who had ever been around us has told me what a change they have seen in our relationship during his last few weeks home. If only we always loved like the other was fixing to be gine for a while, things would be so much different.
Our son will be 5 months old in a few days. He looks identical to his daddy. :) I do believe that God allowed us to have little man when we did for this very reason. Even though Ty isnt here in person, i see him every time i look at our son. Its amazing how God works things. I have comfort knowing that God will be with him every step of the way. He will guide him and protect him and his platoon. Im thankful for a God that cares and loves us.
Oh, Ty i miss you so much.
I love you.
Love, Me.
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