Your leaving soon. I don't want you to go, but you have to, it's your duty. I haven't figured out how to say goodbye to you yet. Walking away from you to drive back home, by myself, might possibly one of the hardest things i'll ever have to do. I know i'm going to cry, just because I've such a strong face these past few weeks for the kids' sake. I'm not sure how i'm going to handle the kids when you do leave because i'm going to be torn apart for a while, i'm only human, i know its going to happen. I know i'll manage, but it will be tough, i have no doubt. i know its a lot harder on you, losing a whole family, and us only losing you for a year.....but that doesn't make it any easier for me to grasp.
These past few weeks I've begun to see how big of a part you actually play in mine and the kids lives. Your my rock, my shoulder to lean on. You've always been there for me to vent to, to cry to, to aggravate and to act up with. its going to be so different without you here. i know that we will be able to talk, video chat, and write letters, but that's still no where near as good as having you within arms distance.
lately i have been in a foul mood and i'm sorry. now of all times is the worst time to be that way. its because i keep everything bottled up...well about you leaving, anyways. i don't want you to see me cry, your stressed enough. i'm trying to be strong for you and the kids. i know Payton will cry after you when we walk away, and that's going to suck to be 100% honest. you'll feel terrible, but i'm the one that's going to have to soothe her. i'm not trying to make you feel bad, i'm just telling you my heart.
there is so much i want to do while your away. i have so many ideas of things to send you, pictures to take, letters to write, etc. but on top of that were trying to save money for a home and a truck for when you come home. it's going to be a tough year for both of us. for all of us. but baby, i know we can do it. we're both strong and hard headed. i wont let you get depressed and down and you better not let me :)
remember that your my rock, you have to stay strong for me, and me for you. this is a 2 way street between us. we have to meet half way to make it work this coming year. i'm going to do everything in my power to make sure you dont get too homesick, to make sure you know how loved and missed you are and what a great husband/father/son/brother you are. You are amazing, your my hero, your the love of my life, your my husband. don't you ever forget it either.
i love you baby. more than youll ever know.
Love,
your rock.
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